I suddenly feel overwhelmingly suicidal. I know it's not going to happen (see previous posts) but it doesn't change the feeling.
The problem is, who do you tell? Do I tell me boss? Let him know that the reason I'm sat here, doing no work but clawing at the desk is because I desperately want to be clawing at my body instead? That I don't want to go home because I don't trust myself to be there alone, and so, despite the lack of productivity, being at work might be best for me?
Do I tell Twitter? Reassuring messages might be a good thing, but I don't want everybody knowing. I feel awful enough as it is.
Facebook's a definite no - too many family I don't want to know anything
So I've turned to here. Bizarrely the most public of all the places
But also the least frequented
So I'm rambling at you, my imaginary reader
It's you I'm telling that I could go home via three separate pharmacies with ease
That there's a tool shop I could buy stanley knives from around the corner
That my nails would feel delicious pulling along my skin
That the car park below my office window is calling to me
I don't know what to do