Sunday, 7 August 2011

So Tired

I've used this phrase a lot lately, but, to quote Anastacia out of context; I'm sick and tired, of always being sick and tired.

Today is the first day in nearly two weeks that I don't feel like my head is trying to explode. I still have a slight ache, but that's almost constant nowadays. The problem is, how much sympathy can people have for you when all you do is complain?

I try not to whinge too much, I really do. But sometimes, I just have to.

The other problem of course is, how do you explain to your boss that the reason you're sat staring blankly at the screen is because your head hurts so much you're worried moving it might make it pop open? Sure, for one day that's fine. Maybe even for two. But when that's been happening for nearly a fortnight, your boss is going to start thinking that something needs to happen, else you're just a waste of space.

And I'll be honest, a waste of space is what I feel like right now.

Those of you who follow me on Twitter will be aware that I asked people to tell me something I'm good at. I did that because I honestly cannot think of one thing I'm good at. Sure there are things I can do, but there's nothing I'm good at. I feel very bland and uninteresting. It's like, if I were to disappear, there wouldn't be any huge problems. I wouldn't be hugely missed by anyone except Daniel. There's nobody else who I really connect with often enough or deeply enough for them to miss me.

The comments I got on Twitter were nice. But also served to remind me that, even the things people associate as being what I'm best at, are just things that I'm mediocre at.

I'm never going to set the world alight. I'm never going to blaze a trail.

But I want to. I want there to be something that's MINE. Something that everybody knows I'm amazing at.

This is slowly becoming a random whinge rather than a coherent post, so I shall end here. Expect more thoughts on these topics though.

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