Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Social Media

I'm currently taking a break from non-blog based social media. And, whilst that means this post probably won't be seen (I normally pimp new posts on Twitter and G+) I thought I'd share my reasons why and a few thoughts in general.

The main reason I'm taking a break from SM is a lack of perspective. I found myself getting upset that tweets weren't being replied to, or that my status update got 3 comments and such-and-such's got 52. I started thinking that it was because I wasn't worth talking to, or that I was inherently less valuable than them.

Obviously, this is absolute rubbish. The 52 comments could all have been telling the person what a dick they are. Unlikely, but possible. The association between comments/tweets and popularity or being liked, is (almost) entirely in my head. And whilst logically I know this, I think I need some time away to try and truly see that. (BTW - I'm just as bad with this blog, I stress constantly about the lack of comments or links to it and such like).

Part of this stems from various issues I had at secondary school. Children are cruel and I was a little bit stupid. Perhaps one day I'll expand on that, but for now, it's enough to know that I was left with absolutely zero self esteem. I put on an act. I pretended. And eventually I got some back. But even now, nearly 10 years later, I still feel like I'm unworthy of being liked, let alone loved. I assume that people put up with, rather than enjoy, my company.

If I've ever gotten in touch with you, feel privileged. I hate to initiate contact, I assume people will be pissed off by hearing from me. I always assume people talking to me in groups/when I'm out etc. are just being polite and can't wait to get away from me in actuality. Slowly, I'm starting to feel less like that. On good days I even admit I might have friends. But most days? Most days I assume that everybody secretly hates me and wants me to leave them alone.


2 comments:

  1. I don't hate you :)

    Also, your blog is on my reader so I see new posts as you publish them. I find them interesting :)

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  2. I know what you mean about the social media thing. Seems like a good idea to stop with it.

    Like Danni I have this blog on Reader, so I saw it anyway! Also I enjoy your company! xxx

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